So last Thursday I ventured back into the working world. I honestly didn't give it much thought until last week which I was surprised at because I tend to stew over things and get more and more anxious as the day approaches.
Friends were asking me how I was feeling and I wouldn't even flinch at the thought. Maybe it was this that helped me to ease back in like I have. I think the main reason I have been so relaxed about it is because Jack is settled at nursery now and is happy there. So I can drop him off in the mornings and not have to worry about whether he is crying and hating every second.
My first day was more about clearing my inbox, saying hi to everyone, trying to remember stuff which I knew like the back of my hand just over a year ago and having the same conversation 20 million times. After the first hour I felt like hanging a sign around my neck saying:
1. Yes, it is weird to be back.
2. No, not much has changed.
3. Yes, it does feel like I have never been gone.
4. Yes, I am thinking about Jack, but I know he is alright at nursery!
5. No, we are not having a second baby anytime soon!
By the time I got home I was exhausted and a bit drained but it was a VERY easy day and luckily my boss is super relaxed and so kind. Plus all my colleagues seemed pretty chuffed to have me back which is nice.
My 13 months off was seriously the best gift a mother could ask for. Being able to have all that time off allowed me to relax and enjoy my time with Jack. I made friends and socialised, I enjoyed lazy days at home, I went for walks and I was able to find my place in the world as a new mom. Becoming a mom for the first time, you almost have to start over in life and find the new you. Your new identity and routine. Having a child shifts your perspective, changes your priorities and makes you realise what is important.
Coming back to work, I am MUCH less stressed and little things that used to really piss me off just don't anymore. I come to work to do my job, get paid, pay for nursery so Jack can learn, develop, play and socialise. The end of the day I hop on my train and get excited to pick the nunu up. I cant wait to see his little face and squeeze him tight.
Working 3 days a week is the perfect balance for me. I can enjoy and really appreciate my time with Jack now and treasure every moment. But I can also hop on a train, read a book, drink a cup of coffee, surf the net, answer emails, have adult conversations that aren't about kids, do some (kind of) stimulating work, go out for lunch and have time for myself. It is wonderful.
So long may this balance of mom/work life continue. I know there will be days where I wish a stay-at-home-mom but I know that this is for the best, for both myself and Jack now.