I have written many times about home and moving back and why I miss it.
This intense yearning I have is getting stronger by the day and having a baby reinforced this feeling even more.
A few months ago, Mani and I had made the decision to move back to South Africa. It took us
And then we found out I was pregnant.
I was gutted.
Yes, I am being brutally honest here. Because we had FINALLY made up our minds and then this little peanut decided to make an appearance. But we have not let this little surprise change our minds. All we are doing is putting our move back a few months.
So we are, as far as we are concerned, still going.
It will be around March/April next year if all goes to plan.
We are not moving back in my opinion, we are moving forwards. We are moving to a country, that yes, has many problems, high crime rates and all these awful statistics and stories which are splashed over the news day in and day out.
But it is home for me. And nothing can change my feelings about that. Millions of people live there, including my close friends and family and they love it. The lifestyle, the weather, the people, the food, the opportunities, the diversity, the places are second to none.
Now before all you negative nancys out there get on your high horse and tell us what a mistake we are making, please don't. I respect your opinion and everyone has a right to one but I don't think I can listen to one more person saying "do you not read the news?" or "what opportunities will there be for you?" or "the grass is always greener on the other side".
I have been living in the UK for 10 years in July - and yes, it is a wonderful country. We are privelaged enough to live in a beautiful, rural village surrounded by fields and wildlife. But for 10 years I have not really settled and if we don't try then I will forever be asking "what if?".
And I can't live like that.
Yes, this is a hard decision.
Yes I constantly worry about Mani, Jack, baby and if we will be OK.
But you have to understand that having a family and not being near your own family is incredibly difficult and something I just don't want to do anymore. I want my kids to grow up near their Aunt and Gran and Great Gran. I want them to be able to run around the garden with the sprinkler on in the hot African sun, I want to be able to drive down to the beach within 15 minutes and see Table Mountain and breathe in that sea air. I want to pop round to my Mom's for tea and spend an evening with my sister chatting about life. I want to see my friends get married and celebrate their 30th birthdays.
I want to be home.
We are fully prepared that this might not work. After 12-18 months we might think to ourselves "what were we thinking" but as I said, we have to do this. If it doesn't workout at least we tried.
But how will we know if we never try?
Making such a huge change is pretty damn scary.
But you know what is even scarier?